i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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