dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
