are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
