I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
