My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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