I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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