So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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