Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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