i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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