I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you had me at cake vodka
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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