I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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