he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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