i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
