Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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