apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
