Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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