Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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