I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
