Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
