i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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