dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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