Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
