Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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