so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
