Already got asked if we're dating
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
