I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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