Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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