I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize