just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
