our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
