Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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