i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
