We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
