what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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