why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
