Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
