She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
