All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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