K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
