I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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