You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
