it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
