hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
