But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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