Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
