He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
