the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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