did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
