I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize