i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
