i just wanna soil my oats bro
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
