I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
