The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
