I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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