:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
