Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
