nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
