I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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