so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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