Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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