Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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