guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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