she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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