4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I pour the whiskey from now on
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
