ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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