Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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