the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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