the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
