I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
