just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My vagina just recognized that song.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
